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Funny things school kids have said about music. Stolen from a friend. Enjoy :)


* In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Neda, who is the one he really loves. Pretty soon, Silvio gets stabed also and they all live happily ever after.
* Caruso was the first Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America.
* Stradivarius sold his violins on the open market with no strings attached.
* The principle singer of 19th century opera was called pre-Madonna.
* At one time singers had to use musicians to accompany them. Since synthesizers came along, singers can now play with themselves.
* All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.
* Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.
* In defining musical terms, they also demonstrate that they know their brass from their oboe.
* Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing with music it is called Acapulco.
* A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
* Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.
* Probably the most marvelous fuge was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
* A harp is a nude piano.
* An oboe is an American tramp (written by a British student).
* A Stradivarius is a prehistoric animal.
* My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
* The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is too tangled up.
* An interval in music is the distance from one piano to the next.
* The correct way to find the key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork.
* Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips in middle of playing a piece.
* Refrain means don't do it. A refrain is music is the part you'd better not try to sing. I know what a sextet is but I' rather not say.
* Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
* My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
* Henry Purcell was a well-know composer few people have ever heard of.
* Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
* Beethoven wrote three syomphonies the Third, the Fifth, and the Ninth. He wrote music even though he was deaf. Beethoven was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. Do you know that if Beethoven were alive today, he would be celebrating the 165th anniversary of his death?
* Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.
* Aaron Copland is one of our most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do no live until they are dead.

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( 1 humble opinion — Your humble opinion? )
schneefink
Apr. 9th, 2010 07:05 pm (UTC)
I love, love, love music jokes. Here, have a few more:

(Unbeabsichtigter) Humor bei Musiktests

-„romantische Tonleiter“ statt „chromatische Tonleiter“
-Tonleiter in C-Tour
-„Auflösungszeiten“ statt „Auflösungszeichen“
-„Aufforderungszeichen“ statt „Auflösungszeichen“
-„linksstreichende Oktave“ statt „eingestrichene Oktave“
-„Es geht hurtig durch Fleisch“ statt „ ..... durch Fleiß“
-tiefe Frauenstimme: Alt -> hohe Frauenstimme = „Jung“
-„Minengesang“ statt „Minnegesang“
-Konzert = „Werk für ein Orchester und eine Instrumentenliste“
-Konzert = „Werk für einen Komponisten“
-Virtuose = „einer, der sein Gerät sehr gut beherrscht“
-Variation = „Komponisation“
-Kammerorchester = „Orchester, das sehr klein ist und in einer kleinen Kammer spielt“
-„Interpretationalist“
-„Exkursion“ statt „Exposition“
-„Interruption“ statt „Intensivierung“
-„vox facipalis“ statt „vox principalis“
-„Marette“ statt „Motette“
-„Maguettei“ statt „Madrigal“
-„gesunde Musik“ statt „gesungene Musik“
-„Musik, die keine Programmmusik ist, ist „ideale (= normale) Musik“
-Tempoabfolge: „lang – kurz“
-„Quebec“ (Instrument?!?) statt „Rebec“
-„Konvention“ statt „Invention“
-„Parade“ statt „Promenade“
-„Kanu“ statt „Kanon“
-„es wurde diese Ausstellung komponiert“
-Programmmusik, sind „Werke, die außermusikalisch komponiert werden“
-Blues ist „ein Lied der Schwarzen; die Folge ist, dass die Sklaverei abgeschafft worden ist“ (wenn das so einfach gewesen wäre!!!)
-„Kirchenchor“ statt „Kirchentöne“ (im Sinn von Kirchentonarten)
-„Brushensemble statt „Brassensemble“
( 1 humble opinion — Your humble opinion? )

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