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The alternative census

In a break from tradition I've decided to offer the alternative census (seeing as today is census day). However, there is one big difference between this census and any other census. In this one you have to lie.
Big lie, small lie, lie based on truth... Whatever you want. This is the one and only time you'll get to lie on a census so enjoy yourself!

The questions are below. Please copy and paste them into a comment, filling in the answers as you go. Questions 17 and 28 have been intentionally left blank. Please insert your own questions (and answer them) for questions 17 and 28.

Remember this is just a joke so that we can all have a laugh. Please keep it (relatively) clean and non offensive.
Thank you

1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Sex:
4. Current Location:
5. Country of birth:
6. Relationship status:
7. Partners name:
8. Partners sex:
9. Partners location:
10. Partners country of birth:
11. Type of accommodation:
12. View from accommodation:
13. Best time of day for a good view:
14. Best thing about living where you are:
15. Mother tongue:
16. Other languages:
17.
18. Current occupation:
19. Description of duties:
20. Occupation location:
21. Pros of occupation:
22. Cons of occupation:
23. Drink:
24. Magic word:
25. Hobbies:
26. Qualifications:
27. Qualifications you wish you had:
28.
29. Life story (under 100 words):
30. Anything else you'd like to share:

Tags:

Comments

( 5 humble opinions — Your humble opinion? )
(Anonymous)
Mar. 27th, 2011 10:28 pm (UTC)
Census
1. Name : Me
2. Age : I don't know. Don't pressure me like this.
3. Sex : Probably yes please.
4. Current Location : Behind you.
5. Country of birth : USSR
6. Relationship status : Pimping
7. Partners name : Which one?
8. Partners sex : Very good, thanks.
9. Partners location : My bed.
10. Partners country of birth : Sweden
11. Type of accommodation : A freakin' submarine.
12. View from accommodation : Lots of fish.
13. Best time of day for a good view : It's pitch black ocean dimwit.
14. Best thing about living where you are: One can make a lot of noise... ;D
15. Mother tongue : Your mothers? It was pretty hot stuff.
16. Other languages : English, Russian, Bad.
17. Partner's occupation : It's illegal so I won't say.
18. Current occupation : Sub cap'n/pimp/spy
19. Description of duties: Shipping, snooping and selling stuff.
20. Occupation location : The bottom of the freakin' ocean.
21. Pros of occupation : I get the girls to myself. .
22. Cons of occupation : It's hard to get a good tan.
23. Drink: Vodka
24. Magic word: GetInMyBed
25. Hobbies: Pulling girls. Bank robberies.
26. Qualifications : Degree in criminology.
27. Qualifications you wish you had : Playboy mag awards.
28. Number of times in prison : 47
29. Life story ( under 100 words): I have a sub.
30. Anything else you'd like to share : My bed with females.
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
ladyofsalzburg
Mar. 28th, 2011 07:07 am (UTC)
True but I kinda like yours as it is :)
ich_bin_die_ruh
Mar. 29th, 2011 05:37 am (UTC)
11. Type of accommodation: Cardboard box
12. View from accommodation: Big Society

This gave me joy.
ich_bin_die_ruh
Mar. 29th, 2011 06:02 am (UTC)
1. Name: Anneka
2. Age: 65
3. Sex: Nun
4. Current Location: Israel
5. Country of birth: Palestine. Same neighbourhood, new rulers.
6. Relationship status: Nun
7. Partner's name: Sister
8. Partner's sex: Nun
9. Partner's location: Convent
10. Partner's country of birth: Cornwall
11. Type of accommodation: Convent
12. View from accommodation: Fossil fuel power station
13. Best time of day for a good view: Just after Greenpeace have scaled the chimneys and erected their pretty coloured flags
14. Best thing about living where you are: The ability to watch eco warriors realise that they got up there but cannot now get back down without the aid of the hated authorities
15. Mother tongue: Uzbek
16. Other languages: Scots, Klingon
17. Children: Tastiest on toast
18. Current occupation: Seamstress
19. Description of duties: Ahem. Sewing.
20. Occupation location: Middleport
21. Pros of occupation: The money
22. Cons of occupation: The customers
23. Drink: Wine
24. Magic word: HailMaryfullofgracetheLordiswiththee
25. Hobbies: Sewing, cooking, playing icebreaker games
26. Qualifications: PhD in Klingon
27. Qualifications you wish you had: Degree in History
28: Ambition: To become Archbishop of Canterbury
29. Life story (under 100 words): Born in a barn, kicked off buses by the Master, lived among Klingons, pursued a successful career as an interpreter, will never be financially able to retire.
30. Anything else you'd like to share: Nothing, get back to work and buy your own stuff. I'm not the caring sharing sort of nun.
duxetire
Apr. 8th, 2011 12:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks for your share! very impressive!

( 5 humble opinions — Your humble opinion? )

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