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Living in a dreamworld

I've been sitting here with this webpage open for a while now wondering how to start this entry.  I know I've said this before but I've been terribly bad at blogging recently but I am determined to alter this, if only just to try and make sense of some of what's going on in my head.
I seem to be living in a dreamworld a lot at the moment, just floating along waiting for things to happen, imagining what could happen if people in my dreamworld really existed.  Things would be so much better, the world would be a better place.  I know the world isn't really like this but it doesn't hurt to dream every so often because a little escapism is nice.  It's a change from the everyday monotony that most people experience or even just a chance to escape from a busy life, a chance to use your imagination for a change.

What's struck me recently is the amount of time I've spent wondering about people from my past; people I've met, people I knew, people I called friends.  There's one in particular who has been at the forefront of my thoughts this past couple of months and I really don't know why they've been there.  Don't get me wrong, it's nice they're there, I'm just confused as to why they're there. I only knew them online, I never met them in real life, and more the shame. I really wish I had met them in real life because they're one of those people who has made such an impact in my life and yet I'm only starting to realise it now. 
Yesterday morning I went to an Easter service that started at 5.30am and they were in my thoughts for the whole of it.  I don't even think they're particularly religious, not that I can ask them seeing as they've essentially dropped off the face of the earth.  I know they're still around, I just don't have any contact details for them anymore.  I'm toying with the idea of trying to find them, someone must know something, but I'm not sure. All I do know is I still miss you, Kari.


( 5 humble opinions — Your humble opinion? )
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 9th, 2012 11:38 am (UTC)
Thanks matey. I think of all the people who can read this I'm most pleased you picked it up. Next time I'm over your way I'm totally taking you out for a drink
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 9th, 2012 11:55 am (UTC)
Alas don't think it'll be anytime soon, no cash :(

And I really need to get these people out of my head. Keep going through old conversations...
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 9th, 2012 12:08 pm (UTC)
Oh well. Virtual drink it is for now :)

I want to say I regret leaving them in my past but I didn't have an option. They left and I just can't help but wonder if they're okay, if they're happy etc. They deserve to be happy after everything they've been through but I also get the idea that they've lied to me but I can't a) prove it and b) work out why.
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 9th, 2012 12:48 pm (UTC)
But I can't. I can't need them. I hardly know them now. They'll have changed from the person I knew, I know they have. I guess I just need closure, maybe. Does that make sense? But I thought I got that when they left. They went temporarily to start with then came back to say goodbye. But they finally explained everything before they left but you can't just leave it there, not with so much said in a goodbye letter. Email. FB message. Through their friend. It's all so bloody complicated!

Edit: and re-reading your comment I can't tell if you were referring to the hugs or my friend. Gah. Not even thinking straight anymore.

Edited at 2012-04-09 12:56 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 9th, 2012 01:20 pm (UTC)
I think you're right though. I did need the hugs. Do.

I could write a letter but I'd have no way of getting it to them.
( 5 humble opinions — Your humble opinion? )


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